morning meditation (or why I will not get out of bed just yet).

I want to stay here, immobile, or almost immobile and take a trip inside myself.

I want to take the time and the care necessary to feel the air caressing the skin on my cheeks.  I want to try to feel its temperature.

I want to feel how my muscles are hugging my bones, see what rises first and more, my lungs or my belly, when I breathe in.

I want to pay close attention, again, to the air, this time to detect its passage in and through my nostrils.  I want to feel its freshness as I breathe in and its warmth, induced by its brief stay inside my body, as I breathe out.

I want to say hello to my scalp, my hair, my forehead, my eyebrows, my eyes.  Observe my own pupils with eyes closed.

And then I want to smile.

And feel my limbs as they relax.

I’m not in a hurry.   I’m in my nest, where I indulge in my own beauty, and where I rest.

the gentle donkey.

There’s a little donkey, and he lives inside of me.

Through the use of seemingly caring and very reasonable arguments, I prodded the little guy to perform a task he had no particular liking for, cost him fair amounts of energy, silently stripped him of his innate joy and felt quite insubstantial to him. For years he paid heed to my explanations, at first lightheartedly, then half-heartedly, but still reckoning that, given my insistence, there had to be something to it.

From time to time I took him on vacation and gave him

total freedom.

I also provided him with a very nice abode, surrounded him with lovely objects, gave him delicious wholesome foods and immersed him in a medley of beautiful music. From time to time I let him go to take a dance class or a yoga class or a facepainting class or a woodworking class or a photography class – anything that might interest him and keep him happy. Little bonbons, if you like.

There came a time though when the donkey started posing himself some questions. I could hear them very well, these queries of his, and we started having conversations about them; about Gilded Cages, the meaning of Enthusiasm, Natural Inclinations, Fun and Play, conversations about Faith, Impulse, a Friendly Universe that won’t turn us into sad, solitary and penniless derelicts were we to follow our happy impulses …

Yet, in spite of our deep and enlightening conversations, I kept saying to my cute little burro “come on mate, just for a little while, until we figure things out, let’s go, let’s do it, let’s carry a smile, work with gusto just a little more, just a little more, come on!”.

Until the donkey, realizing that my stubbornness had gone way out of control, decided to help me, by coming to a perfectly sovereign, gracefully poised and complete STOP.

There he was, in the middle of the road, sitting, staring at me, and smiling.

(in the distance, I saw a party of ponies beckoning “hey! here! this way! we’re here!”)

No longer able to perform the work I had been able to fulfill with his patient aid, I decided to follow his confident lead and sat down in the middle of the road with him.

A couple of weeks have passed. We have already moved to the side of the road and are chillaxing on the grass. Sleeping, eating, resting, eating, resting, drinking tea, basking in the sun, smiling in the rain, listening to music, listening to the birds, looking at the flowers and the plants until time stops, resting, weaving tapestries… Yes, we rest a lot. There is a whole collection of patterns and attitudes that we repeated again and again and again that are still swivelling and making us dizzy. Therefore, we rest. Flagrantly, shamelessly.

I feel very happy. Now starts my most beautiful experiment, the one which most interests and excites me: do only what I feel like doing, only that which I’m truly attracted to. I did it before (remember? vacation) but never in a financial security void. I want to see if we were born, we men and women, to be servile donkeys or donkeys who are free to go out and frolic with the ponies. As I write, my personal donkey smiles and kicks his hind legs happily into the air.

Yes, I had a few moments of the following:  agitation, consternation, distress; anxiety, worry, angst – the mind totally panics when it smells the funk of the void – but they were always accompanied by the perky tickles of the threads of life, calling me, calling us. Now a certain jitteriness persists, especially in the dark, vast stillness of the night, but my donkey and I know it’s not the heebie-jeebies . It’s only static, electricity that has gathered within us. We are now learning to conduct the current.